Currently, my writing garden is mostly clumps of dirt. Wet, heavy, soggy, bogged down clumps of dirt. (Trying to insert a garden metaphor to this post – seeds and all that)
People talk about their muse, and only being able to write when she shows up. Is the muse always a she? Other’s talk about writing whether she shows up or not. They say writing is a discipline so make it a daily habit. I see the argument on both sides, however, I tend to lean more toward the needing to be inspired category of writing. If I try to write when there is no inspiration it feels flat (much like what I’m writing now, but I will muddle through because you have a right to know if I’ve stopped writing or not). I’d like to know the answer to that as well.
I hope I’ve not stopped writing, but the truth is that for a long while the words have been scant (like a garden without flowers. Sorry). I mentioned it several months ago.
I love words and how they interact; I love aligning words to paint a picture (or arrange them into a lovely bouquet. again, sorry). The writing of words is in my blood. I can’t imagine a life without writing.
The truth is I’m struggling with words and life and fatigue. I feel as if I’ve lost my passion for all the things that make my heart go pitty-pat. I’ve been so consumed with caregiving and managing my own self-care that frankly, I’ve become depleted. I’m not complaining, just trying to put the absence of words in perspective.
I’ve done a lot of thinking and wondering lately if maybe this season of life does not include writing. Is it possible that I’m to put the pen and paper on the shelf for a time so I can concentrate on other priorities? I don’t have any clear answers.
What I do know is that my husband needs my support; my parent’s health needs require our help and my own health needs dictate that I must have proper rest in order to not deplete my energy or cause a flare. Most days that is all I can manage. So, I don’t write.
I also know that social media hogs more of my free time than I’d like to admit. Because it’s easy and doesn’t require much effort or brain power. The time would be better spent reading which is a necessary thing for writers to be doing.
I miss the not writing. I think a few of you might too, based on some things others have said. I don’t want to neglect the gift of writing and I don’t want to take it for granted. I don’t want to be presumptuous and assume that people can’t live without my words, but I also don’t want to let down the handful of people who tell me my writing is meaningful to them.
So, I’ve plucked the petals one by one, to write, not to write, to write…. Do I shut down the blog, keep it open without writing, or make an effort to write at least once a week or….. on and on. What about social media? Reading? You get the picture. I’m really not clear at this point.
So, what does all this mean?
- For now, the blog will stay open (you can go back to the beginning and read all the posts if you’d like).
- There will not be a regular posting schedule (nothing new about that). In all honesty, I wouldn’t expect much until Fall ish.
- I will write when I can and if you subscribe you will get an email when I do.
- I may participate in the 31 Days of writing this October.
- I have already done away with my blog Facebook page and will be spending less time on my personal Facebook page.
- I’m rarely on twitter and will consider dumping it entirely
- I really don’t understand google + and never go there so will dump that account if it’s not necessary for my gmail.
- I don’t have Instagram (wrong phone) but would love an account. Because pictures. I enjoy taking pictures and sometimes they speak when words can’t or won’t.
- I will attempt to read more for spiritual growth and for writing growth.
- I will be spending time praying about the direction of my writing. I appreciate your prayers too.
- This fall I will be attending a writers workshop which will help give some clarity.
- I will update you when I have more insight. Please be patient I don’t know how long it will take.
- Comments are useful and welcome as I would love to know your thoughts.
In conclusion – I am a writer. Who is not writing much these days. Rather than stringing words together in a passionate fevered pitch and seeing them bloom on the page, it has been more like standing in a downpour turning clods of dirt. While I’m being drenched by the deluge, I will continue to plant seeds in hopes that they will not wash away and in due time will produce a harvest. (How’s that for a garden metaphor).
Digging in grace,
8 thoughts on “This Writing Life”
You say, “I’m struggling with words and life and fatigue.” That’s o.k. You don’t have to create the sun, moon, and the stars! That’s already been done, by no less than God! Create when you have the energy to create and rest when you need to rest. And quit feeling guilty.
Such wisdom, Connie. Thanks! I’m doing my best to let go of the struggle and just rest in God. Love you, my friend.
i feel like a kindred spirit with a similar struggle in my writing life and have been asking the same questions about my blog. it’s been at least a year for me too. a couple of times i’ve been about to shut it down, but then a little mustard seed size glimmer of hope appears and i keep it open, yet still so quiet. thank you for pushing through and writing this, it helps this bone tired heart so much. and i think you hit on something for me to pay attention to: my own season of care-giving and need for self-care in the midst of that including some health issues that i need to tend to and all of that requires time.
i had sat down today thinking some inspiration had hit only to find it all flat (again) and the nagging voice chimed in; “maybe it’s time to admit you just aren’t a writer afterall.” instead of listening to it i decided to click over here and am so thankful to our God of the lilies that i did! maybe it is winter for us and our writing life. but if i know anything at all about flowers-in the winter it’s not that nothing is happening in the garden-just that what is happening is hidden.
gardening metaphors are my favorite!! :0)
I know you have many beautiful words left to write, Melony. I’m glad you popped over here and that it gave you something to ponder. I’ve thought about shutting down the blog, but just don’t feel that I’m supposed to yet. I know there are stories to tell, I’ve just been too tired to tell them. So, I’ll rest and when the time is right I’ll get back into it. I like the idea that it is winter in our writing life and that something unseen is happening. Spring and new life follow winter, so that is something to look forward to. Thanks for your insights and for stopping by.
Every season brings it’s own gifts … may the Gardener of your soul lead you to those quiet places that will restore your soul and allow the creative streams to flow once again, friend.
Thank you, Linda. As you may remember I have been struggling with this for over a year now. I think it is simply all the other things going on in life that has crowded out the writing for a season. Being where God leads is the best place, so taking time to follow his lead and just rest in him seems to be the direction to take. I’ll still be stopping by to check in with your blog community as I always come away inspired. You have been a faithful friend. Thank you.
Oh I understand this so well!!! I have so much trouble writing when I’m not inspired. I love to read your words but be kind to yourself if you need to take a break to ‘re-grow’. Much love!
Thanks for your encouragement. I love reading your words too. Being kind to myself, now there is a concept and good advice.
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