You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever. Psalm 30: 11-12 NIV
Journal – Around August 23:
I love you, Mama. You were a beautiful woman. It was a privilege and honor to be your daughter. So many things on my heart to say but I don’t know where to start.
You were there when I took my first breath and I was there when you took your last. Thank you for allowing me to be there in your last moment.
We were two peas in a pod you and I and I don’t know how I’m going to do life without you. I think of so many things that I wish could have been done differently but I know you wouldn’t want me to have regrets. You’d want me to remember the good times and smile about them and think of you being happy. You were happy much of the time. You had been singing a lot the weeks before you passed. And, even up to the last you held onto your sense of humor teasing us and making us laugh.
You were my confidant so many times and I was yours. Everything just feels a little different now. I know God is with me and he understands my hurt. I know I will feel his peace again and that he will help me say goodbye to what was and accept what is.
I love you so much, Mama. I wasn’t ready to let you go but I am happy for you because I know you are not suffering anymore. Your mind is clear again and your bones are healed. You are dancing on the streets of Gold. I told you when I arrived on Saturday that we were going to dance. We never got to dance, but I’m sure Jesus is a better dance partner than me.
I’m sure you are busy catching up with everybody and telling Jesus how much you love him. You never lost your faith in him. Wait for me, Mama because I will see you again one day. I truly understand now why people say heaven is sounding sweeter all the time.
Goodnight mama, thanks for everything. I will never forget you and I will always hold you close in my heart my sweet Ladybug.
I believe the night I wrote the above entry was the night that I listened to Elvis hymns on my phone. I used to sing songs to my mom at night and sometimes we’d listen to Elvis sing Peace in the Valley. One night after her death I couldn’t sleep, so I listened to Elvis until I was ready to sleep. Music is a wonderful way to remember someone and it can be therapeutic in the grief process.
Grace for the journey,
Come back tomorrow for more of the journey? Just a reminder that I usually post later in the day. Clicking on the ladybug graphic will take you to the first page in this series with links to the daily posts. Thanks for reading!