And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:7 ESV
Journal – September 26
I am still navigating how to live life without my ladybug. The week we were in hospice with Mom my brother told my sister-in-law that I was so busy taking care of everybody else that I hadn’t thought about how I was going to handle it when she left us. He was right. I jumped right from hospice into making arrangements into helping my dad take care of business and I didn’t really process everything. On some level, I knew I was avoiding dealing with my grief. However, I just kept doing the next thing that needed to be done and pushing everything else to the back of my mind. I’m back home now with time to think and it’s hitting me a little hard today. I’ve been allowing the tears to flow and I’ve been talking to God. Both are necessary. Grief is a process and it can’t be rushed.
In my post on Day two, I mentioned that I knew the day would come when the floodgates would open and I’d have to start dealing with my grief. I remember September 26 very well. It was one of the few days that I had had to myself since Mom passed away. I was exhausted and on my own. The tears came along with a deluge of memories. The grief was almost too much to handle. I cried and prayed. I shared the above thoughts and a picture of Mom on Instagram and then I just sat for a few minutes.
I almost didn’t notice the slice of peace that began to penetrate my heart, a peace that I hadn’t been sure I’d feel again. It was a start. A few days later I knew I was supposed to write about my grief and share it here. I’m glad I did. It has been tremendously helpful.
I’m still not sure how I’ll handle all the grief going forward, but I trust the one who does know. We are not promised easy in life but we are promised that God will be with us and that He will give us a peace that passes understanding.
Grace for the journey,
Come back tomorrow for more of the journey? Just a reminder that I usually post later in the day. Clicking on the ladybug graphic will take you to the first page in this series with links to the daily posts. Thanks for reading!