“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 31:18
Journal – Sometime in mid to late August after losing my mom:
Grief is a funny thing. People deal with it in myriad ways. I suppose there is no right or wrong way. Right now my grief is new. I take it out every now and then and look at it much like I would a shiny trinket or bauble that someone has given me that I don’t know quite what to do with yet. I’m still figuring out how to process grief.
It’s not that I haven’t experienced grief before – I have, but you see, I’ve lost my mother and it’s a whole different wave of feeling. I don’t know how to live with it yet. And, it’s too soon to share it with others.
When I wrote those words it was after a rough couple of weeks, one in hospice and one preparing for burial. I was still surrounded by people. But then everyone went home. I stayed with my Dad for a while and it was just the two of us left in the house. I remember the Saturday that My husband, My sister and her friends left; the house felt so lonely. The fact that Mom was no longer there was palpable and I could hardly stand it.
My Dad felt it too and so we did what we knew to do. We took dishes back to people who had dropped off food and then we stopped by the cemetery. Each day after that for the first week we kept busy running errands and taking care of business. In the doing, we were able to process slowly.
At night I’d go up to my room and read or catch up on social media because it hurt too much to think. I kept telling God that I knew he was with me and that he understood, I just didn’t understand yet. I had too many questions and too much hurt to let the floodgates open – I didn’t dare, but I knew that it would come eventually.
Grace for the journey,
Come back tomorrow for more of the journey? Just a reminder that I usually post later in the day. Clicking on the ladybug graphic will take you to the first page in this series with links to the daily posts. Thanks for reading!
There is a table of contents at the bottom of this post for the #write31days challenge.
For the month of October, there will be a group of bloggers writing feverishly for the whole month (most days) and sharing thoughts with you on multiple topics. It is called Write 31 Days.
I’ve decided to take you on my journey of processing grief after losing my mother on August 13 of this year. The grief is still raw and I don’t know how this journey will progress. Some of the things I share with you will be notes and thoughts I kept on an app on my phone so that I could capture my thoughts about losing her while they were fresh. Those will be shared with minimal editing so that you can have a sense of my thought process. Others will be current real-time thoughts as they happen to come along from day to day. There will also be memories because I am finding that the memories are an important step in navigating grief. I will also share scriptures that I find helpful in my journey. It won’t be strictly chronological but I think you’ll be able to follow my wandering.
One important thing to know. I’m not sharing this to be sentimental or emotional, although there will be elements of that I’m sure. I’m not sharing because I want people to constantly tell me how sorry they are. I assume if you are a decent person, then on some level, you are sorry that I have lost someone I love. Many people have been more than kind with prayers, cards, and thoughts. But rather I am sharing because writing is the only way I know to get my thoughts out of my head so that I can understand how I’m moving forward. Since this is a journey I need to take I thought maybe you’d allow me to share it with you and maybe it will be helpful to you as well.
If you want to engage in conversation in the comments you are more than welcome to do so. I’d love to hear how you process grief. And, just as a final thought, I don’t consider grief to be all tears and downturned faces. There are also moments of laughter, hope, and joy that my sweet Mama is now in the arms of Jesus. Hopefully, you will see elements of all that in the writing.
My hope is that it will speak to you and that someday hence it will not become a regret that I shared too much or allowed you to see the raw, tender places in the depths of my heart.
This post is day one and each day I will share a link below to the newest post. Each daily post will give you a date or an approximate date that it was written just so you have somewhat of a timeline.
I’m so glad you enjoyed the picture show the other day from Shaker Village. Those images will bring you many happy memories of time spent there.
Today, I’m inspired to show you the beauty of your small town. I’m glad you took the time recently to look close to home for the memories that are ready to be made right outside your own front door. There are some lovely spots to capture gorgeous Autumn.
Such as Lover’s Lane, trees and houses around town, a church, the big tree in your former Principal’s yard, the Middle School and a small town cityscape.
I hope seeing the beauty in your home town will establish your sense of place. Because we all need to belong. We all need a sense of place.
There are lots of pictures! Enjoy!
Making memories in grace,
All photos were taken in Flemingsburg, Kentucky and are the property of StoneLeaf & Co. Please don’t use without permission.
Please forgive my absence for the past few days. I’ve been thinking of you and how much you love capturing photos of the season. I had to chuckle when your friend G told you that you take three or four pictures of the same thing when she only takes one. I get that, as I too love the fleeting beauty of Autumn. I also thought it rather funny when you told her you were a “professional photographer”. Of course, we all know you are not, but still, I love your enthusiasm for snap, snap, snapping away. So, to make up for the post cards I didn’t send your way, I thought it would be appropriate to share some photos of the season with you. Enjoy!
Snapping in grace,
All pictures in this post were taken at Shaker Village of Pleasant Hill, Harrodsburg, Kentucky. They are the property of StoneLeaf & Co. Please do not use without permission.