Petition

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

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Life is hard.  Many of us have been through some things in recent months. I have grieved the loss of my mother, a dear friend’s loss of her sister and another dear friend who just this week lost her mother.  In addition to the loss of loved ones, there are other griefs we bear. Some we share and some we hold close in our heart hoping to shield them from prying eyes. In the midst of our hurt, we don’t’ always feel like giving thanks or celebrating.

At least lately that has been my story.  But God is faithful and he is holy. He is worthy of our trust in any and all circumstances. He is worthy of our praise and thanksgiving.  He alone is worthy.

So, today, on the eve of Thanksgiving and the weeks of Christmas preparation that this season ushers in I felt the need to utter a petition on our behalf.

Dear Heavenly Father,

You, above all, are faithful and Holy. 

Hold us close to your bosom and whisper your peace into our souls.

We are weary and battered from our travels; our steps falter under loads we were not meant to bear.

We lay our burdens at your feet asking humbly that you take the weight off our shoulders; steady us and walk alongside. 

Shield us from the fiery darts flung carelessly our way; Intercept them and render them useless to be used for harm.

We seek your wisdom and guidance; Lead us ever gently along the path you have designed.

We stand before you with open arms ready to receive, with gratitude, all that you bestow.

Wrap us in your love and let it overflow so that we may gift it to others.

With thankful hearts in the name of Jesus, we entreat your mercies. 

Amen.

 

If you haven’t read the 31 Day Series, A Journey Through Grief and would like to you can click here to be taken to the table of contents page.  

Grace for the journey,

Teresa

sky sunset person silhouette
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And I Pray Hard

This post has been hard for me to write and I’ve struggled with whether or not I even need to share. I’ve embarked on a health journey that will be an ongoing part of my story. Writing about it helps me see how I am processing and will hopefully give me perspective. Since you sometimes read what I write, you too are part of my story, so I thought maybe you wouldn’t mind if I shared with you.  The original post was too long, so I have broken it down. Today’s part is more general and reflective after living a  year of discovery that led to a diagnosis of a chronic autoimmune disease. The main take away is that God is faithful, even when I have questions; especially when I have questions.

And I Pray Hard

God is good, even when life is not.  I know that.  But yet, sometimes I wonder why he allows me to suffer.  I find myself wondering why I’m being punished.  I know that is not Biblically sound, so I try to banish that kind of thinking immediately.  Even though I know better,  I wait for the other shoe to drop.

I remind myself of all the good that God has bestowed on me and remember the times he has restored my health, but I still find myself wavering on a shaky tightrope between faith that he will heal and fretting that maybe I’ve run out of get-well tickets.  Again, I know that is faulty thinking.  I know better.  And I pray hard because I don’t want to give in to such fear.

Because it is fear brought on by attacks of the enemy who is constantly trying to defeat our walk of faith.   If he can convince us that God is out to get us then he can render us useless and a quivering heap on the floor, bound by fear, unable to fulfill God’s purpose for our life.

Even in those times when we need healing, and God chooses otherwise, he is still good, and we can still have faith in his promises.  He has promised never to leave us or forsake us.  He is faithful.  I know that, and I cling to that and do my best to head in the direction of hope.  And I pray hard, thanking God for his goodness even in the midst of my bad. 

Life for me last year was a very up and down journey that ranged from despair and depression to faith and hope and back again.  I’m sure over time I will be able to unwrap some beautiful gifts from the journey.  I do believe that in all that is hard, God works on our behalf and teaches us great truths.  When bad things happen to us, he doesn’t leave us to stumble in the dark.  He is right beside us, holding us under his feathers.  He knows life can be scary and uncertain, but he also knows that he is our only certainty.  I know that too.

The truth is we live in a fallen world that is rampant with sin and disease.  Sometimes, for reasons we may never know or understand, we fall prey to the fallen.  We know that bad things do happen to good people.  But God, in his great merciful love for us, holds us tight in those times and works on our behalf. We don’t always get the answer we are hoping for, but we always have the hope of our father.  In his time, he will make all things right.  Some of us may suffer this side of heaven, but he knows all about suffering, and he knows how to comfort.  And I pray hard because I need his mercy and comfort as I live in a fallen world.

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Praying hard for grace,

Teresa

I Won’t Lose You

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I look out my window and see you standing there, all forlorn in your red jacket and shoes.  My heart breaks into a million pieces as you look around lost in another world.

I’m helpless to fix you. I wish I could take you in my arms, hold you tight and make the pain go away.

Memories of things said in haste flood my mind; things I wish I could unsay because I didn’t know. I didn’t know you couldn’t always help it; I didn’t know how bad you were hurting.

How we were all hurting.   Walking around in a fog trying to make sense of the new normal.  In many ways we are all ill – it has changed us.  We dig deep trying to find answers; trying to hold onto hope, but failing in so many ways.

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I don’t want you to leave before you go.  I want you full and present while you’re still with us.  I know it’s not about me, it’s not about any of us really.

We’re the burden bearers reaching out to you to offer comfort, accepting the reality that it’s never enough.  I stifle screams for mercy and laugh with you over whimsy and words that have no meaning.

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The laughter is the mask that helps us live, otherwise, we’d cry tears unto death.  We won’t give in without fighting.  I won’t lose you.  You are still you.,

I wait for a glimmer of your essence and thank God for you..I blink away tears as I watch you walk away and I pray for mercy, strength, and peace.

Later, I’ll cry those tears and hope they wash everything new again.

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Hoping in grace,

Teresa

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postscript:  a few years ago my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.  It has been a long painful journey, but it has also had pockets of joy and gifts.  I don’t write about it much because it is so painful.  I have begun to realize that in the writing, a bit of understanding and healing lurks in the words, so today I shared some recent thoughts.  I didn’t do much editing, letting the words speak for themselves they way they were felt.  

Prompted By Interruptions

 

 

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How do you handle interruptions throughout the course of your day?  I don’t always handle them well.  Sometimes, I have a plan for how I need want my day to go, then when (notice I didn’t say if) my plans are interrupted I can become quite stressed.

In my current season of life, I find that my days are interrupted quite often.  My mother, who has Alzheimer’s, often feels the need to be comforted or reassured.  She is still mobile and sometimes she takes walks when she is restless.  Many days though she comes to me instead or in addition to.  This is what I want her to do. This is why I live next door to her.  I want her to feel safe and welcomed.

Still.  Some days when I need rest or time to reflect, or write, or even just be, the interruption can be somewhat overwhelming.  Especially, when it is the third, fourth or fifth time in one day. I pray about this for two reasons.  One, I don’t ever want my mother to feel like she is  intruding and two, I don’t want to have any regrets in how I’ve ministered to her during this season of her life.

She won’t always be with me and so I want to treasure the time I have left with her and if that means putting my plans on hold to chat with her for a few moments that is what I will do.  God will give me the grace to show her mercy and compassion.

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I’m reminded of God’s grace and mercy to me.  I’m reminded of how Jesus interrupted his life to lay it down for me.  How can we even complain when our life is interrupted to meet the needs of another?  I don’t think we can.

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Matthew 5:7

Dear Father, help us today to show your mercies to those you send our way. May we be ever mindful of your great mercy shown to us in the gift of Jesus Christ and his death on the cross for our sins. Amen.

Finding mercy in grace,

Teresa

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This post is part of a 31 day series in which I am prompted to write by the ebb and flow of my daily life.  I may miss a day here and there.  You can click the button to the right for the complete series. Thanks for reading.  I’d love for you to leave a comment and let me know you stopped by.

 

 

Favorite Scripture IV – 31:27

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“Because of
the Lord’s
great love
we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is
your faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:22-23

 

Finding new mornings in grace,

Teresa (Sadie Grace)