writing

Nodding to the Not

~ Teresa ~ 19 Comments

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I did not choose a word for 2015.  I did not set goals, or make resolutions, or sum up my blog or give a state of the blog address or list my most read post of the previous year.  I did not usher in the New Year with any kind of fanfare.

So far, this has been the year of Not.  So, I guess you could say in my non-conformist ways of not doing so many things that other bloggers seem to do and that I have done in the past, I inadvertently chose the word “not” for my 2015 word.  Except, I did not.

“Why not?”  you may ask.  I don’t know.  I haven’t even written on my blog since December 31, when I wrote an end of the year “what I learned” post about Rearranging Furniture so I could link up with Emily over at Chatting At The Sky.  So, I guess you could say that I sort of did a year end summary. I’ve done these “what I learned” posts before though, so just following my norm.  I don’t think it counts or reverses my not’s in any way.

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So, here’s the thing.  I want to write.  Truly, I do.  I write things in my head all the time.  Almost everything that comes into my world has potential for an essay or story of some kind, so the words are always at the ready, so to speak.  For some reason, I haven’t been. Ready.

There could be a reason for this, or maybe it just is.  Maybe it’s the season in which I find myself currently residing.  Maybe it’s fear that I don’t really have anything to say.  Maybe it’s exhaustion.  Maybe it’s unanswered questions. Maybe I need to find my sense of place.

All I know is that it seems to be a season of unwritten words that float on the outskirts of my mind, just out of reach of pen to paper, or more accurately, finger tips to keyboard.  It doesn’t feel like it’s going to end any time soon.  Or, I suppose, it could end tomorrow. Either way, I have decided to embrace this journey of “not” and see what it’s about.  I am not going to fight “nothing”.  I am just going to rest and see what develops.  Or, not.

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So, I think this means, in case you haven’t already noticed, that I’m taking a blogging break.  There, I said it. I’m taking a blogging break.  I don’t know for how long.  And, I don’t exactly know why.  I hope there is a purpose and it’s not just laziness.  I hope I figure out some things about my writing, or about me, while I’m not blogging.  And, I hope you don’t forget about me because I won’t forget about you, the few, who read my words.

It seems silly to worry that I’ll lose you in the lull, and it seems even sillier, to let the fear of losing you be the reason I don’t take a break, when a break is clearly called for.  I have to trust that when the words are ready to be read you will welcome me back.

In the meantime, please know that I value you and the time you have given to reading my words and encouraging me along the way.  Some of you are silent readers behind the scenes; Some of you are friends and family I’ve known a long time, others are people I’ve met through this fascinating world of blogging and you have become true friends.  I will not forget you and even though I’m on break I will still be reading your blogs or seeing you on Facebook.

I haven’t laid down my pen for good and my hope is that there will still be words put to paper while I’m on break.  I hope there are words written that I can someday share with you.  I appreciate being kept in your prayers while I am on hiatus.

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Nodding in Grace,

Teresa

Rearranging Furniture

~ Teresa ~ 6 Comments

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I have come to the conclusion that rearranging furniture  is probably a metaphor for life. We have played musical furniture so many times over the past year and are probably not done yet.  I’m starting to realize that shifting furniture around and making the pieces fit can teach us much about life.  We have to look at our available resources and determine how they can work together to create the space that we need in order to be at our most productive.  This is true of living life to our fullest potential as well as having a home with well-balanced furniture and accessories. Sometimes we have to accept that it might be time for something to go in order to make room.

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This has been a year of accepting that God sometimes rearranges our plans.  My husband has been without an official, includes benefits, job for a while now.  Doors have been slamming all over the place.  I finally changed the way I was praying.  I started asking God to send my husband the work he had for him to do rather than asking God to send him the job we thought he needed. I also asked God to give us enough. It’s not the way we thought we’d be living at this point in our lives, but our needs are being met in the space we’ve been given. God is faithful and he does answer prayer.

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I have  been looking hard at what I’m supposed to be writing. For a long time I resisted writing about my mom’s Alzheimer’s and how it was rearranging all our lives. I didn’t want that to be my story. But, it is part of my story and it shapes  my voice. To leave it out would not be authentic, so I’ve been rearranging and making space to explore the journey in my writing.

One of the highlights of this past year was when I went to a Writers Barn event and soaked in what Emily Freeman and Christa Wells had to say about our writing voice. Emily said, “Learn to respect the story that’s within you”.  She’s right.  Going forward, that is a lesson I will continue to embrace.

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A year is made up of many moments that define our living.  If we can look at those moments and see how the story was written, then we can take the truth from those moments and let them shape the story that is to come.

Rearranging in grace,

Teresa

What lessons have you learned this year?  To read what others have been learning hop on over to Chatting at the Sky.

Prompted By Grace

~ Teresa ~ 9 Comments

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Today’s post is Part of a 31 Day writing series where I will choose moments from my life and let them be my writing prompt for the day. There will be days, like today, that are just everyday kind of days and you think of things to write that aren’t quite ready to be let loose and so you sit down to write one thing, but when you start typing your stream of consciousness takes over and you find yourself writing a lot of nothing, but if you read between the lines, it says a whole lot of something. (you can breathe now.)

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As a writer there are times when the page is blank and you need  inspiration fast. Other times, there is such a whirlwind of scattered thoughts blowing around on the backside of your mind that it is hard to narrow your focus.  There are even times that you know what you are supposed to write, but you do everything you can to procrastinate, hoping to be let off the hook.  Then, there are the times that you just want to be funny and shoot off a string of clever one-liners and call it a day.  But, somehow that doesn’t seem fair to your reader.  Especially, if you were really profound, or something the last time they read your words.

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And so, you decide to embrace the chaos of the day – the tired, sitting deep in your bones, that demands something be done – and give your readers what you’ve got and hope that it is enough.

Because, after all, Today was just an ordinary day, with a to-do list  that shuffled things around, still begging to be checked. Today was just an ordinary day that checked items off another’s list with the promise of more checks tomorrow.  Today was a day for realizing that you can’t be all things to all people and still be you.

In those weary moments, thoughts were formulating in your subconscious mind like a parallel universe writing it’s own story. That’s when you realize that the only way for it all to make sense is to give the story to the master storyteller.  It’s His story to write, you are just a character that doesn’t even know what comes next.

And that’s okay. Because His grace is enough.  

His grace will help you find your sense of place.

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“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” 2 Peter 1:2

Prompted by Grace,

Teresa

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 Note: In case you read this post on 10/3/14 and notice that it looks slightly different, it was edited on 10/4/14 because in retrospect I wasn’t happy with how I left it. And the title was changed.  th.

Prompted by Laughter

~ Teresa ~ 30 Comments

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Today’s post is Part of a 31 Day writing series where I will choose moments from my life and let them be my writing prompt for the day. One of the facts of life these days, is that my Mother has Alzheimer’s and much of life is focused around her, which means she could very well be the source of many of my writing prompts.  My goal when sharing stories about my mother is to give her identity, dignity and personality, all things that the Alzheimer’s is only too ready to steal from her.  My hope is that in sharing some of her story those who know her will be comforted and those who may be going through a similar battle will be encouraged.  Because, in spite of it all, there are good days.  And, there is grace.  Always, God’s grace.    

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Today she made me laugh.

Some days my mom makes me laugh.  Other days she makes me cry.  Oh, she doesn’t mean to make me cry, but the Alzheimer’s sometimes wreaks havoc. So, when there is a day we can laugh I count that a good day.

The whole process of how Alzheimer’s  plays with the mind is fascinating.  You watch the memories fade from color to black and white and eventually dissipate and crumble like old photos left too long in the light.  You deal with the confusion and forgetfulness. And, sometimes the anger.  You read the books that tell you what to expect, even though the same books also tell you that no two cases are alike. Basically, you can’t expect.

Every day I see more of her memories get lost in the shuffle.  I watch her steps slow, keeping time to a different beat.  I see her look at me thinking I’m her sister and not her daughter.  I listen to her questions about “where are the boy’s” (my dad and my husband).  I try to explain who people are when they are brought up in conversation. Sometimes there is a spark of recognition, but more often than not, she can’t readily place them.

Still, in all of this, her essence is intact.  She is she and we are graced with petals of her personality strewn about.  On a really good day it is like having a complete flower from the bouquet.  Those are the days we laugh the most. Because they are a gift and we don’t want to squander them.  She loves to laugh and make you laugh.  She is witty and when you least expect it she will pull off a one-liner that makes a spot on point. In those moments she is sharp as a tack. In those moments you can shut out the inescapable journey.

This evening at dinner (sometimes, when I actually cook, she and my father come over and eat with us) we were waiting on the rolls to finish and I was lamenting the fact that my house was once again upside down (lack of space, too much stuff) because all the laundry room storage was strewn around my kitchen in hopes that the furnace guy soon would be here (delayed until next Tuesday).  I said something to the effect that I was so tired of everything being in my way.

In the midst of the conversation Mom piped up and said “You are the only person I ever knew who can see everything in her house at one time.”  And we laughed. Because it is true, lack of storage and space pretty much means everything is on display. It was funny in the context of what was going on in my life and in the tone of voice which she used. It was funny because it was a spot on connection that she was making.

It was, for a brief moment, like having all of her with us and not just the petals. So, I laughed at the comment, but I also laughed with joy, because I knew her.

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Laughing in Grace,

Teresa

Prompted To Write – A 31 Day Journey

~ Teresa ~ 18 Comments

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Welcome!  31 Days starts here!  For the month of October I will be writing daily from the ebb and flow of my life.  My hope is that God will use this season of writing to stretch me and bless you.  After all, he is the giver of this gift of laying down words.  I want what I do with them to honor him.

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DAY 1 – Introduction

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I had too many possibilities swirling around to choose (family snapshot memories, notes from trips taken this summer, A Journey With Alzheimer’s, Haiku, what I learned at a recent Writers event and on and on… but, Life right now is prone to interruptions without notice, so I wanted a topic that would challenge me to write, but allow for variety and be flexible enough to keep it very simple if need be. I also wanted to be open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.  Sometimes, I tend to forget that he will give me writing material if I just ask.  II Corinthians 3:5:

Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God,

I like to think of the structure for the 31 days as organized chaos that will produce disciplined writing. Each day the writing will result from a prompt that is incorporated into my daily living.  Some of these could be very light fare and some could go deep, depending on the needs of the day. For weekends I will still do my Weekend Toss which will include links to new bloggers I have found from the 31 Days links and either a scripture, devotion or prayer for Sunday.

I really hope you check back as often as you can to see how I’ve been prompted to write!  This page will Serve as our Table of Content and a link will be added for each post so that you will be able to find all the posts in the series in one place.  Come back tomorrow?

Writing in Grace,

Teresa

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